"Come on come on, Turn a little faster, Come on come on, the world will follow after, Come on come on, Because everybody's after love"

You know those people who are so important you could stare at a blinking cursor for hours without grasping the right words? My big cousin Karla is just like that. Too many things to pinpoint just one that’s impacted my life, personality, happiness the most.

I spent nearly my entire childhood trying to emulate each facet of her larger than life personality that I could clutch. That kind of admiring idolization has evened out more these days, but I still love her with my entire heart just like an eager ten year old.
And like that eager ten year old I met her fiancée Mat this weekend. And couldn’t help but stare at their crushingly endearing and side-splitting hilarious gestures in awe. Needless to say, my happy-ending loving self had a pretty ridiculous smile on the entire time.

Here’s to two of my most favorite geek burgers, I hope you always look at each other the way you do, it’s a small nickel of faith in a sometimes pretty cynical world.

"When it snows, ain't it thrilling, though your nose gets a chilling, we'll frolic and play, the eskimo way, walking in a winter wonderland"

I love Christmas and I love taking photographs so when Jen asked me to take some photos of her and her family setting up the tree it was a no brainer. Her parents come home this week from Dubai (Insert severe jealous remarks here) and the kids wanted some recent shots since well, they haven’t been ‘kids’ for quite some time now.

When I walked into their kitchen Christmas music was playing at that perfect level, you know, couple notches below ugly department store boom, and couple notches above a hum, and Jen was making perfect steaming mugs of marshmallow hot chocolate, and well the whole thing just seemed perfect. Far from any Christmas I’ve ever known, where everyone runs like hellions to fight for the first present opened and the last jam-jam cookie. It was such a wonderful cozy afternoon, fingers crossed I enter a similar sophisticated domain within the next decade :)

Out of all the pictures I’ve taken these past couple months, I have to say these next ones were some of my all time favorite to edit. Like sitting at my computer I could feel the winter chill goosebump across my skin, and hear Jennifer’s wicked laughter right before she shoved Katherine into the dump of snow. Thanks for helping me out with my portfolio Jen, Katherine and Alex, hopefully the rents love these as much as I do!!



















My favorite...

"I think it's about forgiveness"

I'm sometimes a little self-centered. Another one of those 'human condition' things that I guess I'm still trying to work on. I sometimes get in a tailspin where a deep breath and step back seem inconceivable and impossible. I spent the better part of the last forty eight hours unloading the unbearable sadness weighing on my heart to several of my most patient and listening loved ones.

I spoke the truth as my heart knew it, said bitter, pained words. Cried the ugly cry. You know that one, where your past kleenex, and snot knows no bounds. The one reserved for Oprah, Sirius falling behind the veil, September 11th, Denny dying on Grey's, and life's hardest disappointments. And behind all that truth, and all those tears I realized sometimes you just have to pick yourself up. And there's really nothing more than that. Dust yourself off, and keep going.

And once your pride is free of dirt, that's when you see that with a deep breath and step back, as hard as life hits you sometimes, the sadness of it isn't unbearable. WIth those that love you most at your side, it's not even close.

Due to my intense self-centered pity party this next part is a little shout out to those 'most patient and listening loved ones' so this might be a little boring if your not one of these next six people.

Melanie: We may not still be on Stradwick Rise, but you are always welcome in my house, my refrigerator, and I will cook you something to eat any hour of the day you need it. I promise when the time comes, I too, will do right by my children and family as you have.
Karla: There may be 1000 km between us, but I love you in the same way I loved you lying side by side in my bunk bed a decade ago. Fingers and toes are crossed-13. You deserve every happiness this world has to offer.
Marwa: My hearts understanding of friendship will always be wrapped in the backseat of an SUV, scored to Clay Aiken himself, hand grasped in yours. Thank you for always standing up for me, believing I deserve more, deserve better.
Marissa: Thank the stars you were free of my angsty self this weekend, Wildberry Spritzer and Harvest Cheddar Crisps are but a fraction of my love for you. 8:00am this morning I hope you felt the swell of enormous pride I had for you all the way in Lethbridge. Ten bucks says you aced it. If this photography thing bails, I call dibs on the basement of your mansion.
Aunty Pam: Who still can't quite figure out the internet enough to read this. In my heart, you are every bit like a mother to me as Claudia McGlynn was. Thank you for the truth, your hugs, your biscuits and your gentle voice, they mean more to me than any other in the world.
Morgan: I wish I could return to a basement filled with a Courtney dartboard and kinder surprise contraptions, and tell myself to put down the phone.  Some things really are lost causes, and decade long heart ache is never worth it. 

For anyone  who made it all the way down here I thought I'd throw in a couple more favorites from Mel and Duncan's shots the other day, with some ones of the whole family we had taken the night before.

Mel and I both loved the feeling of this one

"Come what may... I will love you until my dying day"

I remember Mel as our housing complex's bona-fide babe. I remember her undying love for any and every shade of purple. I remember her willingness to follow my Mum's crazy whims. I remember waterfights, trick or treating, Tony Romas, IKEA Meat Balls, beautiful hairclips, Le Chateau Couture, and Dana the Daytona.

I think she remembers my braces and what a sassy little mouth piece I could be.

Along the shelves of my heart Mel's got her place, tucked securely since 1998. I am brave enough to admit that sometimes my faith in life can flicker, sometimes a second, an hour, a month, but I attribute my inability to let the faith in myself flicker to them. And as far as public declarations of love go, here is mine to them: I believe in you. In your marriage, as individuals and as a family, life's not perfect, flipping far from it. If anyone knows this it's us. But at the end of the day we have each other, and if we can't have anything else, at least we have that.

Here's Melanie and her husband Duncan, roaming Heritage Park on a free hour pried away from the children of the corn. I mean my brothers Zack, Brady and Isaiah :)











This is my favorite cheeky Mel smile!

"This world keeps spinnin' and there's no time to waste"

There’s a lot I’m not sure about in life. I think it’s part of the human condition, to constantly wonder and question the bends in the road. But I think growing up, I hit a trip switch somewhere and somehow my general curiosity squared and I ended up with a worry stone as a heart.

In quiet moments I’m always there, worrying, wondering, wondering, worrying. Am I faced in the right direction? Does Heaven exist? Did my Mother get in? Should I grow my hair out? Will my future husband let me have the seventeen kids I want to? Do I tell those I love I love them enough? How much more time is left?

Suffice it to say, I wonder about these things often. But I have found one thing that can always still the flutter of unending questions, one thing that unsquares the fretful equation covering my heart. Children. In their unending simplicity they make any and all what-ifs disappear. The way they let laughter spill loud and clear without any apprehension, the way they’re eyes spark over the tiniest secret, they way their smaller palms fit inside your own, the way doubt doesn’t notch on their decision making list.

Yesterday I watched one of my younger brothers sleeping on the couch, totally zonked, dead to the world, nothing could wake him sleep. Staring at his calm expression made me realize that it’ll be okay if I’m faced upside down and turned around, and that no matter where my mother is I still love her and she still loves me, it doesn’t really matter what length my hair is, wait until I meet the poor unsuspecting guy before I spring double digit rugrat rearing on him, fears can be conquered-everyone knows I love them, and even one more day should be enough.

"You Got Me Begging For Mercy, Why Won't You Release Me"

Last year I had made a bet with my cousin Marc. We had been sitting around the kitchen as usual, and it had been weeks of watching and listening to him cockily strut around that he just knew exactly what he was getting for his birthday. One for surprises, I'd had enough of his prodding and guessing, to shut the little punk up I blurted that I'd got him underwear. And they were pink. I figured hah, that'll show him. His face slowly morphed like a Looney Toons Cartoon, the elated smile he'd been wearing was turned down sharply at its sides. And then, just to show me, he perked right up, "No, you're not". Well I'm sure everyone here can imagine the childish teeter totter of arguing that ensued.

Even though I knew he was right, I did something next that perhaps turned the tables and made me into the cocky strutter. I bet him that I did, and he'd be sorry when he opened them up come January 18th. My Aunt wasn't much for children wagering any real money, so we bet something much much worse.

Two full minutes of non-stop tickling.

I knew I was in for it, but I couldn't help it with how ridiculously hilarious the two of us had become. Weeks passed, and of course I didn't subject the poor eleven year old to pink underwear. The day happened to fall after my first trip out on the ski hill, and in stiff movements I bowed my head. We had agreed to the terms, the commencement would take place in the upstairs jacuzzi tub, you know, in case accidents happened (Hey! Two minutes is a long time). Since I figured I'd be in for some thrashing, and to get an extra giggle from the kids I strapped on my snowboard helmet, complete with goggles and hopped in.

And you know the little bugger tickled me for nearly two whole minutes straight without a breath. It was truly one of the most overwhelmingly pricelessly hilarious moments of my entire life. I hope as he grows up I'll never forget the hoarse sound of his laugh as his hands jabbed mercilessly at my sides. This weekend I snuck up on him in a much quieter moment, at the piano his concentration was endearing, reminding me of the littler rotters sweeter side. (For a quick laugh there's an old snapshot of the ticklement of death at the bottom ;)












Haha!

"Tell Me You'll Open Your Eyes"

I have these moments, and I’m sure in an attempt to explain them I nearly always sound like I’m trying to take the academy from Jack Nicholson’s R.P. McMurphy.  But nonetheless I still have them.  Like warped intuition or a really distinctive gut feeling.  Only it’s not in my gut, it’s in my heart. It sneaks up on me quietly and then out of nowhere in the most remarkably ordinary moments of my life my heart clenches.  Again it’s a weird mix, almost like a slight stroke I’d imagine, very close to wicked heart burn; this throbbing like a flickering warning sign not of an impending heart attack, but rather to slow down, and just open your eyes.

.......The sea-doo tube knocking sluggishly against the dock, knees stickily stuck to Layne and Braye, my voice a steady whisper of Cullen History, warm hands curled into the sides of my arms.

.......Marwa's incredulous wide eyes over the bag of popcorn, the comfort in thinking the same thought, smiling the same smile, drooling the same drool.

.......The kitchen echoing with choking laughter, Aunty Pam's glowing eyes filled to the brim with my latest telling disaster.

.......My IPOD Shuffle skidding to a halt on The Plumb Song, "Feel I can Touch The Sky" down to the ends of my fingertips.

The pit of your happiness is in those simple moments, and if you breath in deep you can hold it carefully in your palm. I hope my heart never stops kicking me in the tush in reminder to cherish all that is so easily overlooked.

Here's a peek at my next happiness explosion blog post: **Fun Cabin Times** :)

"Trouble is her only friend, and he's back again"

There are few things in this life that I love more than live music.

Nearly twenty one years ago I attended my first, an amazing concert I'm told: Blue Rodeo live in the park. My Mum a music lover herself had brought me along, sharpied my name and address to my diaper and thus began my life long devotion to concerts and Jim Cuddy.

Last night James Blunt hit the Saddledome, and in two hours made me fall even more in love with his dreamy crooning. Here's some snapshots from the night:










**I had to include this next picture, at one point James ran around the arena and in my most heroic effort to capture a close up shot for Amanda, I stood precariously on the tip of my foldable chair, note: BAD IDEA! About 4.2 seconds after this shot was taken, the chair flipped and I want ass over face into the next row. Needless to say I didn't get the picture.



1973



The only thing better than James Blunt? James Blunt and confetti!





PS. I am going to the Twilight opening tonight, I will return tomorrow with amazing pictures of my obsessive fandom :)