"This world keeps spinnin' and there's no time to waste"

There’s a lot I’m not sure about in life. I think it’s part of the human condition, to constantly wonder and question the bends in the road. But I think growing up, I hit a trip switch somewhere and somehow my general curiosity squared and I ended up with a worry stone as a heart.

In quiet moments I’m always there, worrying, wondering, wondering, worrying. Am I faced in the right direction? Does Heaven exist? Did my Mother get in? Should I grow my hair out? Will my future husband let me have the seventeen kids I want to? Do I tell those I love I love them enough? How much more time is left?

Suffice it to say, I wonder about these things often. But I have found one thing that can always still the flutter of unending questions, one thing that unsquares the fretful equation covering my heart. Children. In their unending simplicity they make any and all what-ifs disappear. The way they let laughter spill loud and clear without any apprehension, the way they’re eyes spark over the tiniest secret, they way their smaller palms fit inside your own, the way doubt doesn’t notch on their decision making list.

Yesterday I watched one of my younger brothers sleeping on the couch, totally zonked, dead to the world, nothing could wake him sleep. Staring at his calm expression made me realize that it’ll be okay if I’m faced upside down and turned around, and that no matter where my mother is I still love her and she still loves me, it doesn’t really matter what length my hair is, wait until I meet the poor unsuspecting guy before I spring double digit rugrat rearing on him, fears can be conquered-everyone knows I love them, and even one more day should be enough.